people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
