sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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