I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
