Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
