I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
