Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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