I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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