I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
