perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
