I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
