just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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