There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
