How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
