dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Randomize
