so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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