I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
