I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I believe in your delicious
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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