Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
