it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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