Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
