this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
