went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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