You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
