I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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