Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
