he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
