Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
