A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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