I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
FUCK WHALES
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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