Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
