I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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