Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
