she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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