I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
