Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
