So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
