Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
