please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't deserve a penis
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
