They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am one with the molecules
I love you. Go after that dick
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
