dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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