I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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