She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
