1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
