I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
