I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
