I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
