I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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