He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
