Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Randomize
