you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
