sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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