I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
