she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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