that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
