Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
