If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
