Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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