Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
