ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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