Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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