Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
