sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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