Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize