i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
this hospital has no fireball
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
