the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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