high people should be assigned attendants
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
