I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
