So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
