we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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