we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
