That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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