pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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