I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
