My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I checked into jail on foursquare
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
