o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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