OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Randomize
