Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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