I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
