before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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