So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
