My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize