If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
