I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
