i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
