i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
