fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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