The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
