Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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