Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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