Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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