My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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