Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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