I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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