well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
