I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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