Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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