He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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