apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize