Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
do herpes really smell.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
