I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
