so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
