May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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