I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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