I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
