My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
