just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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