its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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