She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
